Record Eagle: Wish List For Thriving Community

Link to latest column ("Wish List For Thriving Community"):

www.record-eagle.com/2006/jan/22beth.htm

Arrested Development-- R.I.P.

I've been meaning to express my ire at Fox for some time now, but the rage that's been building within me finally peaked this week when Fox announced it is airing the 2-hour series finale of Arrested Development on the same night as the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics. This is officially the worst send-off a network has given to a beloved show since...well, Fox passively-aggressively killed off Family Guy. And Firefly. And Futurama. And Andy Richter Controls the Universe. And Wonderfalls. And...

Maybe one of the most sharply written and consistently funny sitcoms on TV, Arrested Development has held a special place in all of our hearts. So in that spirit, here are my top 10 favorite moments from the show:

10) The Literal Doctor.
Lucille: [the family is waiting for news on Buster] How's my son?
Doctor: He's going to be all right.
Lindsay Funke: Finally some good news from this guy.
George Michael Bluth: There's no other way to take that.
Doctor: That's a great attitude. I got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well.
Lucille: But you said he was all right.
Doctor: Yes, he's lost his left hand. So he's going to be "all right."
Lucille: [Jumping on the doctor] You son of a bitch! I hate this doctor!

9) George Michael's Unrequited Crush On Maebe
Narrator: George Michael was getting ready for school when he came across a box of love letters he'd written, but never sent, to his cousin Maebe. One letter, titled "If you weren't my cousin," was particularly incriminating.

8) Charlie Brown Song Motif
They used this several times and it never got old. They'd play the sad Charlie Brown Christmas song as one of the characters walked along slowly with their head hung. In one episode, as George Michael walks down the street, he passes a lawn that has a red doghouse on it exactly like Snoopy's. I don't know if anyone else caught it but it was a great visual gag.

7) The Fake Upcoming Scenes
A brilliant touch.

6) Buster & Lucille's Semi-Incestuous Relationship
Michael: Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab.
Gob: Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom.
Buster: She's better than the whores you date.
Gob: Don't call my escorts whores.
Buster: Mom's still got it!

5) George Michael's Homely Girlfriend
Lindsay: Have you met Ann?
Michael: No, I haven't met Egg.

George Michael: I want to give Ann a diamond.
Michael: (beat) Her? Really?

Michael: It's as Ann as the nose on plain's face.

4) The One-Armed Man Used To Impart Lessons
(flashback to George Sr. driving a younger Michael, Gob, and Buster]
George Sr.: We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note.
[suddenly he runs down J. Walter Weatherman and his fake arm comes off]
George Sr.: [poorly acting] Why? If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm! Why God?!
[the kids scream as Weatherman comes up to them]
J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.

3) Tobias
Tobias Fünke: [after Michael asks Tobias to buy a tape recorder to record conversations of himself speaking] You know, Michael, perhaps I should buy you that tape recorder. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"?
Michael: Well, I know I did in the jacuzzi.
Tobias Fünke: And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy.

2) Gob
Michael: Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection.
Gob: He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told - my God. What is this feeling?
[Schmaltzy music begins to play]
Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call... a "feeling".
Gob: It's not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard.
[the music reaches its crescendo]
Gob: Maybe I am ready to be a father.

Lucille: If it's an idiot on a scooter in the middle of the night, it must be Gob.

1) "I've Made A Huge Mistake"
Yes you have, Fox TV. Yes you have.

Record Eagle: Inside The Gamer's Mind, Part 2

Link to latest column ("Inside The Gamer's Mind, Part 2"):

www.record-eagle.com/2006/jan/08beth.htm