Beth's Must List 7/25

Here are some things I think are just great. Unlike Oprah's pretentious list (I just love this $5,000 Hermes bag! I recommend one in every color!), these are readily available to the masses.

5) "Let The Drummer Kick" by Citizen Cope. I am really digging on this song right now. If Moby did hip-hop, it would sound something like this. Beautiful.
4) The Daily Show: Indecision 2004 DVD box set. Hands down my favorite television program, with political pundits from both parties serving as equal fodder for satire. Includes all of the shows during the Democratic and Republican conventions, and loads of goodies on the 3rd disc. Highlights include coverage of GA senator Zell Miller losing it at the Republican Convention (he challenged CNN anchor Chris Matthews to a duel), and the hilarious Schoolhouse Rock spoof about midterm elections (Cute Kid: "So mister, what does midterm election mean?" Mister: "Goddamnit you little retard, haven't you been listening to a word I'm saying? Now just sing after me [launches into song]: Midterm elections, they come in the middle/Midterm elections, they matter so little!"). For new episodes, tune in Mon-Thurs to Comedy Central at 11:00pm.
3) Buying magazine subscriptions on eBay. Don't ever buy them anywhere else. Usually the magazine houses will offer combo deals (2 for 1) and they're amazingly cheap. I got yearly subscriptions for both Entertainment Weekly & Premiere for a low low $25, and for Rolling Stone & Spin for $9. Glamour & Lucky did a combo for $7. Marvelous.
2) Killing Yourself To Live: 85% Of A True Story by Chuck Klosterman. I love pop culture, so Klosterman's books are right up my alley. This is his latest, which started out as an article for SPIN magazine about his road trip to famous rock 'n roll grave sites. In between sites, he opines on everything from rock music to drug use to death and fame. There's an interesting section where he interprets Radiohead's "Kid A" as a 9/11 prophecy, and an extremely funny encounter with a Cracker Barrel waitress (she starts talking about Kafka, dreams, and the illusion of time, and her long diatribe is occasionally interrupted by Chuck's thoughts: "How do you possibly work here? What the hell is going on?"). His writing is like a late-night conversation at the bar with your wittiest, most pop-culture-obssessed friend. Also recommended is Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, where he takes on Billy Joel, Saved by the Bell, and favorite sugar cereals.
1) Interlochen Arts Academy. Working out there for the past two summers has given me a new appreciation for this place. It's a beautiful campus and a great place to hang out and work, and the summer concerts are usually diverse enough to be interesting. What gets major props, though, is the Academy's new film program launching this fall, and its involvement with the Film Festival this summer. Here's hoping that they will continue to allow the State Theater to be used for movie screenings. To find out what concerts are left this summer go here: www.interlochen.org. And be sure to buy tickets for at least some of the Film Festival activities--there are free discussion panels and waterfront screenings for those low on cash. Go here: www.tcfilmfest.org.

Traverse City: Land Of Celebrities

Traverse City is one of the best kept secrets on earth. Growing up I couldn't wait to get out, but now I've come to realize how amazing this place is. My apartment is in the heart of downtown, and I love walking out the door in the morning to a bustling Front Street, a fresh breeze coming in off the bay. Sometimes we don't appreciate how good we have it. (Remember: you could have been born in Flint.)

But there's a growing group of people that do appreciate Traverse City, and I don't mean the fudgies. Nope, this bunch is becoming far more ubiquitous: celebrities! Ah celebrities, the overpaid and narcissistic hallmarks of our generation. Welcome to Traverse City! We look forward to the onslaught of Humvees and Starbucks that will crop up to accomodate your presence. Have you tried our fudge? It's delicious! We also have cherries!

In all fairness, the celebrities I have bumped into here have all been cordial and low-key. And in the case of Bruce Willis, more good-looking than I expected. But with the upcoming film festival (www.tcfilmfest.org) helmed by Michael Moore, and rumors of more stars in attendance, I can't help but feel a little uneasy, not unlike what the residents of Park City, UT must have felt right before Sundance exploded into a Hollywood circus. I can handle a discussion w/John McClane about which jazz he likes, but if Paris and Tinkerbell show up, I am packing my bags.

Recent celebrity spottings (some firsthand, others by eyewitness account):
*Bruce Willis: Target, G.T. Mall, Borders (daughter Rumor goes to Interlochen Arts Academy)
*Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore: Borders, G.T. Mall
*Michael Moore: Everywhere
*Tim Allen: Several local restaurants (I think he has a house in the area)
*Denzel Washington: Kilwin's on Front St.

The last one surprised me. Spinniken said Denzel was walking around Kilwin's yesterday w/out his shades on, so there was no mistaking who it was (apparantly he covered up when he left). This spurred a discussion between Spin and myself of different movie star disguises, where I came up with what I think is the greatest celebrity disguise ever: a wheelchair. This would have to be accompanied by a hat or shades, of course, but considering that paparazzi are seeking out perfect-looking human specimans, a crippled guy in a wheelchair would be way stealth. Also, this cashes in on the overall discomfort Americans have with disabled or handicapped people, and our tendency to avoid eye contact with said people when they are in our vicinity. Denzel may want to consider this for future paparazzo-dodging.

Ball Face Loren

Once upon a time there was a boy named Loren. When he was good, he was very very good. And when he was bad, it somehow stuck and he grew up into the man he is today. Which is not to say he's not likeable. A self-admitted liberal "asshole", Loren is somehow more charming spewing epithets against religious groups or explaining why he hates "pretty much everyone" than an entire troop of Girl Scouts working with needy kids. Maybe it's because his gleeful sense of humor softens the caustic rhetoric, or because deep down we all know he means well. Or maybe it's because it's hard to be offended by someone in a pink band t-shirt and mussed hair who's clutching the latest Japanese import of a Radiohead single like Sophie's one remaining child. Either way, Loren's basically a kitten. A kitten with sharp, left-leaning claws.

So we decided the other day to play kickball (I think this was the 4th of July), as a kind of tribute to our childhood and also to escape the throngs of tourists in town for Cherry Fest. We didn't have enough players to form proper teams, with the result being a kind of free-for-all, every-man-for-himself melee. When the fun of that wore off, we mosied over to the playground. I quickly discovered that merry-go-round G-Force has the same effect on my stomach as 6 shots of Jager, and Kyle and Jeff Chapin spent a considerable amount of time whizzing around on the zip line and walking across the high narrow beams of the equipment. I wanted to get a picture of Loren stretched out on the swings, a huge ecstatic grin on his face, because frankly he looked like a handicapped kid at recess. I steadied my camera phone to take the shot and just before I pressed the button, Bail Money (that's Baylee to you) threw a kickball full force at Loren's head. As Loren's arms were stretched out on either swing, the poor guy had no choice but to take a direct hit to the face. In a moment of perfectly timed glory, my camera snapped the photo, and the resulting phenomenon known as Ball Face Loren was born. This photo is now in popular use as a screen saver, desktop, buddy icon, etc. We're looking into T-Shirts.

In The Beginning... (And God Said, "It Is Good")

This is not a history so much of an individual, as of a group. Our friends say a lot about who we are. What mine say about me is mostly, "Life has not turned out how I expected". And in parantheses: ("That's why I drink so much"). I have yet to meet more intelligent, or emotionally-disturbed, or tequila-immune people than those within my dysfunctional social circle. I'd like to put their stories out into the universe, complete with photographs (I know some of you skip right to the pages with pretty pictures when you're reading), mostly because other people think I'm making them up.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.